Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Say That You'll Come

I was betrayed tonight. It hurt more than I could have imagined. My heart just isn't quite as ready to let go as my head is.

My client and I were on our way to her gymnastics class, and I drove past "the house." I ended up tearing up and getting all heart achey.

What is "the house?" A few weeks before my ex and I broke up we drove past this amazing old farm house. It's yellow and has a wrap around porch and although is a major fixer-upper is pretty much the house I have dreamt about since I was a little girl. Anyway, we started joking about "one day" stuff like how the house would be great with all the land, and a dog, and a couple of kids...etc... Now this is pretty awkward stuff considering we really hadn't been together long, but it just felt natural. We even ended up, very awkwardly at this point, arguing over which is a cuter name for a little girl, Madison or Madelyn, which would be shortened to Maddy. Anyway, long story short, I had, after a 2 year friendship/crush and a few months dating, fallen hard. When it ended I was pretty hurt. But in the last month I have done a pretty good job of convincing my head that it was all for the best. All of it. The friendship, the relationship and the break up. I learned a lot both about myself and what I am ultimately looking for.

This video/song is my amazing friend Jen Miller. She wrote this song today. I'm kinda loving it.

Oh and on a cute sidenote: My client has autism, and generally doesn't notice other people's emotions. When we were at the park, I was getting a little misty eyed, she looked at me and said "[Renee] sad" and then promptly ran to the playground. It put a little smile on my face for the rest of the evening.

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