Random Dozen

I've done this on a previous blog, and now I'm going to try and start again. I really like the Random Dozen because it's a freebie blog day AND I get to share random facts about my life!

1. Have you ever fired a gun or shot a bow and arrow?

Yes and yes! I don't remember when I first fired a gun, but I was really really little. Like probably 5 years old. Same for a bow and arrow. I also spent my summers growing up at a summer camp and taught archery and riflery for years.

2. Do you know where your childhood best friends are?

Yes. Most of them anyway, and mostly thanks to Facebook.

3. Do you usually arrive early, late, or on time?

I try to be early all the time, but I tend to be either early or really late.

4. Are you more of a New York or California type?

Up until recently I would have said New York, but I would definitely say I am more California. It's a west coast thing I think.

5. Do you have a special ring tone?

I have several. My main ringtone is Don't Rain on My Parade from Glee. I have individual ringtones for certain friends :)

6. What is your favorite type of chip?

Generally anything cheesy flavoured.

7. Best comedy you've ever seen is ....

TV comedy: The Big Bang Theory...or at least that's my favourite right now

Movie: ?? I can't think of any right now

8. Have you ever cut your own hair? To quote Dr. Phil, "How'd that work for ya?"

I have cut and then trimmed my own bangs. They turned out okay. I won't do it anymore though. I have one hair stylist and whenever she doesn't cut my hair its a disaster. I don't trust anyone but her!

9. If you were going to have an extreme makeover, would you rather it be about your house or your personal self?

Since I don't have a house I would say me. But if someone were to offer to come in and clean and redecorate my apartment, or you know buy/build me a house I would go for it. But then again I could really go for a new wardrobe....

10. Are you allergic to anything?

Yes. Before about 6 years ago I only had one allergy. Now I have several. I'm a bee/wasp stings girl. As well as a few others.

11. Why is it so hard to change?

Mainly because people don't like to admit that they need to change.

12. One last question dedicated to February love: CS Lewis said, "To love is to be vulnerable." Please share one example of that assertion or share any thought you'd like to about this topic.

In my experience, it's only when I love someone that I truly let them into my life. This has left me completely vulnerable and hurt at times, but also has let me made some amazing connections with some amazing people.

And that's all for tonight folks. Take care!

Thoughts and stuff

I've been thinking a lot about my future. What should I take in school? What am I going to do/be when I grow up? Where am I going to live? When am I going to meet Mr. Right? What's he going to be like? etc etc etc etc...

I'm going to try and tackle these questions over the next little while, or at least put my thoughts down so I can look back at them one day in the future and see where I am.

First up. Where am I going to go to school?

I have been accepted to my dream school. It's a private Christian university and thus costs A LOT OF $$! In order for me to go there I would need some major financial aid as well as student loans. I would also have to move. It's only an hour away from where I live now, and technically I could commute, but I don't have a car and public transit would take 1.5-2 hrs. Not ideal. Plus I would have to leave my amazing roommate/wife (more on that some other time).

I am waiting to here back from the university that I live right beside. Seriously. It's a whole lot cheaper to attend, I wouldn't have to move and it was my 2nd choice school way back when I graduated from high school. Ideally this is the better choice, so hopefully they offer me admission. I checked my status and they finally have all of my paperwork!

What should I take in school?

I have applied for the Bachelor of Education program. I am 3 credits short of the required credits to transfer into the program, but I'm hoping by some miracle they allow it! My 2nd option was a Bachelor of General Studies in order to get my last 3 credits before transferring in. So, again, ideally I will be taking my Bachelor of Education, majoring in Education and minoring in Learning Disabilities.

Which brings me to:

What am I going to be when I grow up?

When I graduated from high school I wanted to be a Secondary Drama and English teacher. After 3 years of university, the idea of going to school for the rest of my life was not ideal! Now, after another 3 years of "living" the original plan seems pretty awesome. Yes, I still want to teach Drama and English, but I also want to learn more about learning disabilities and how to overcome the issues that come along with them. For the last few months I have been working as an In Home Support Worker with youth who have autism. I am absolutely amazed at how fast these kids can learn when given the right programming for their needs. I've also gotten to learn some ASL which has been very cool. I don't know a lot, but I can sign "coffee, please" and "I am bored/really bored!" which of course are 2 very important signs to know!

The rest of the questions will be answered in time. Most likely, not in as quick of time as I would like, but that's alright. I have lots of time.

After Awhile..

After a while

you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't always promises

and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn

with every good-bye you learn

It's been a bit since my last post. How am I? I'm good. I had a moment today, which then reminded me that I have a blog.

I have been sick. It isn't very fun. I got a cold from work I suppose, and then enjoyed a couple days of fun - bowling and free concerts - only to wake up the day before returning to work feeling like death. I stayed all day on the couch, half watching tv/movies half sleeping.

Yesterday I enjoyed watching an Olympic hockey game from private box seats courtesy of my work. It was incredible, and I wish I could have stayed til the end of the game, but unfortunately some people are on schedules that can not be changed, ie my client.

Today is beautiful and sunny and I am going to enjoy it! You should too.

Advice from a hero...

At the end of the most recent episode of Smallville comes an inspiring quote:

How do I know when to let go?

It's all about your heart,

just listen,

right there in between the beats,

that's when you let go.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Valentine Blows!

I tried really hard not to let my past and recent pain to get in the way of making this year a "happy" Valentine's. Unfortunately, a single event has completely turned my plans upside down.

I had a plan for this year. I found an amazing man who shared the same beliefs, and a lot of the same interests. We were incredibly compatible in so many ways!

But now she is back. She, yes the ex, is back and all my hopes of him realizing what a mistake he had made have been crushed. I am only finding out now, but she showed up within a day.

The thing I hate the most out of this entire situation is that in some sick way I am happy for him. He got the girl. Unfortunately for me, I didn't get the guy.

And now that I know, I can move on right? Eventually. At least I have my chocolate, my best friend and a movie date to see Valentine's Day. Will it be incredible romantic and cute? Most likely. Will I probably end up curled up in my bed tonight with my teddy bear crying? Most likely. Do I know this is all for the best? Yes, but it still blows.

Then I'll Start Back at One...

On my way to work yesterday morning, I was surprised at some of the music that has made it onto my iPod - One being Back at One by Brian McKnight. It made me smile and reminiscent of high school...which is hard for me to do.

So how is life you ask? Well I'm still working on it. I went for a walk yesterday and thought of him and felt my heart break all over again. I can see the positives in this, but the hurt overshadows it.

Thanks to the lady at the hair salon, my chest hurts for a completely different reason: I have a chest cold. It's still early on, but going for a run in the cold air this morning didn't help. Thank you for coughing on me several times.

True Self

Do you have that one friend,or couple of friends, that you can be completely 100% yourself without worrying about what they are going to think about you? I got to hang out today with probably the one person in my life who I can be completely myself with.

Some days I feel like I have a split personality. There is the sweet, girl next door. There is also the real, say what's on my mind, no filter me. Sometimes, most of the time, there is a somewhere in-between girl. Today the no filter me came out. And she had fun!

Let's just say, most of my friends would have been completely offended, possibly appalled, by some of the conversations, but we laughed and enjoyed ourselves. Reality hurts sometimes, but it can also be very humorous.

But then the two of us are complete narcissists.

Dreams

I had some very very strange dreams last night. They were probably a result of a conversation yesterday I had about last summer. Though I'm not sure if catching a fish by stabbing it with a stick is something I will ever be able to do.

So excited to be going home soon! I have 4 little girls who will be giving me lots of hugs, even if they don't want to :)

The Drive, Chai, New Hair and Reconnecting

Today was wonderful!

I had a chance to reconnect with a friend that I have not seen in a year over a cup of JJBean Chai Latte. She is absolutely amazing and I cannot wait for next week when we are going to have a shopping day on the Drive. Today was a window shopping trip, next week will be a spend some money on some cute clothes and other things day!

I also got a hair cut, because getting a new look always makes a girl feel better. Right?

Tomorrow's plans include "all-you-can-eat-sushi" and wandering downtown before the real Olympic craziness begins. Should be good.

low

I just hit another low. It's amazing what a photo can do.

Tonight's plans: movie, bed, blanket and hopefully no Kleenex.

Numb

I don't really feel anything today. Is that normal?

I sent a thank you note to his mom for including me in some wonderful meals with the family etc. Is that weird?

I'm watching Oprah and for the first time ever have realized that she is really annoying! Anyone else feel the same?

Happiness is a M&M Chocolate Cookie

I've had a fairly good day. I keep focusing on the good things right now, like M&M Chocolate Brownie cookies! I also have 2 incredibly cute kids that I work with that make me smile. Their giggles are contagious.

Finishing up some paperwork and heading to bed.

I will be okay.

Song of the Day: Take Me As I Am by FM Static

I have had this song playing over and over in my head all day.

Back at work

I am okay.

I am okay.

I am okay.

I am okay.

tears are welling up

but

I am okay.

Waking up to...Day 2

Last night was hard. I didn't want to fall asleep, but did at the same time. With my brain turned off of what I wanted, or rather didn't want, to think about some very interesting things happened. I had several very interesting dreams. I was reminded that there are so many things that I want to do with my life before I get tied down, like travel.

I am going to be okay, but that doesn't change the fact that I still hurt.

sleep

It's been a crappy day and all I want to do is curl up and sleep.

But there's no one here to cuddle with.

12 hours

Well my head still hurts.

I haven't burst into tears in a few hours.

I found some leftover Chinese food in the fridge from a couple nights ago.

It was good.

Talked to my amazing roommate and tried to figure stuff out, but it turned a little into a rant session.

Ultimately it was decided that guys are dumb.

Oh and a friend has shown what a true sweetheart he is by telling another friend of mine "What an idiot. If you're lucky enough to get a girl like [her], you don't let her go." Thanks B.

9 hours in

This sucks. My eyes hurt from crying. I have a headache, which may either be from all the sudden bursts of tears, or from all the sugar I have ingested via Hershey's Hugs and the giant jawbreaker I have been licking for the better part of the last 2 hours. My jaw also hurts. I haven't eaten anything of substance all day except for that eggs benedict this morning right before having my heart crushed. But hey what's a little break up and eggs right?

Going to find something in my apartment easy to make and worth eating. Then to find another movie to watch...maybe something better than (500) days of Summer. Which probably wasn't such a good idea...

And so it is...

This morning begins a new phase in my life.

Thinking about what to write in this first entry was so much easier than actually putting something down.

Long story short: I fell for an amazing man who was still in love with someone else.

So once again I am walking aimlessly in this world that I am so uncomfortable in:

Single Life

Song of the day: The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice